like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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