That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
