She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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