Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
