I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
