You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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