Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
