I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
