Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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