also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
