I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
