Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
