P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
