Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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