He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
