My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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