My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
