who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
