Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
