It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
