and you said cock pushups were impossible
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
