I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
