life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
