Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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