we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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