Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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