it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
