If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
