please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
