I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
