Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
