There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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