Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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