I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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