Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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