i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you didnt know i had herpes?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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