I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
