Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
