can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Text me some of your sweat
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
