Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
