Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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