Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
