we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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