fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
