The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
