How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
