Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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