Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
