I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
