just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I had your ass I would rule the world
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
