Are we in a gay sports bar?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
